My first Christmas and New Year’s as a single woman in 15 years. I can’t believe it! Honestly, I never thought I would be here. But let me tell you…it feels FANTASTIC. And I’m not just saying that. It really does.
But it’s taken me a lot to get here. I cried putting up my tree. When I first heard those Christmas songs, I felt that empty pit in my stomach. I’d happen upon old photos of last year when I spent Christmas with D and his children, and it knocked the wind out of me. But only for a few moments. I’d feel those emotions. I’d let them happen. I didn’t try to deny them or stuff them down. Sure, thoughts of so many people’s comments ran through my mind, “He doesn’t deserve you.” “Be so thankful you dodged a bullet.” “He did you a big favor.” And sometimes I believed them, sometimes I didn’t. Many times I would think, “No way, you didn’t know him, or US.” But I would never say it. Because, you know, I should be getting over it already.
And I am getting over it. It’s taking WAY longer than I expected, but that’s just fine. I have learned that healing is not on a schedule. It is not a one-size-fits-all scenario. What’s interesting is, I am OK being on my own. Really. Do I miss the companionship, the facetimes, late night chats, I love yous, romantic trips, etc…of course I do. I always felt that THOSE things were what I needed to be complete. That I needed someone to be complete. It’s just the opposite really…
Happiness comes from within and when you are whole within yourself. It’s about loving yourself—not EGO—but truly loving every part of yourself. The good, the bad, the ugly. It’s about accepting who you are. And not giving a damn what anyone else thinks. It’s about knowing your worth and never settling.
I listen to the Christmas songs and dance and laugh with my son. Sometimes I dance by myself in the kitchen with my wine, usually to Whitney Houston or Taylor or Tina Turner (I’m kind of a HUGE Tina fan lol). I look around my small townhouse and realize I have SO much to be grateful for. And I’m doing it all on my own. And I am more than fine with that. So many amazing things have been happening, and I am truly thankful.
So cheers to all of you, however you are spending the holidays; single, married, or somewhere in between. My hope is that you are HAPPY and fulfilled no matter what your “status.” I’ll be raising a glass to love this year…self love!
PS…if you’re single or have gone through a bad breakup, I’d love to hear from you. We’re in this together, girl!